I used to see my timidness and my calmness and ability to be nice and civil and non-confrontational all the time as a sign of weakness but as I stood at the top of a pole perplexed and angered at a situation in which I could not figure out I brought myself to peace and calmed down. A lesser man just explodes and lashes out. I've come to realize that it takes a very strong being to remain in the state of mind that I'm in. Sure I have moments of rage and such but they are generally quite short and to the point and then over.
As I said though for a LONG time I saw these strengths as weaknesses and I really wish I would have seen them as what they are. They have built such a strong character within me and it's been amazing. It has also been a hard road to just not lash out like I've wanted to so many times in my life. Sometimes it's made my "insides" hurt to hold things in but that's just how I grew up. Unfortunately the whole holding it in thing has overlapped into other aspects of my life which isn't always good but it's how things have gone. Now though I'm trying to learn the difference of what aspects of life this indifference and lack of backlash needs to be. Sometimes it is good to "let go" because if you don't you will be that cashier. I don't want to be that guy that just one day explodes. It's not me. It's not who I am. I really do need to learn where to hold back and where to sometimes just let go as to not explode in the wrong situations or at the wrong people. I don't want to lash out against the ones who love me and whom I love.
I need a healthy mix. A slight bit of the "cashier" and a slight bit of the "customer." Especially with so much stress in my life. Don't get me wrong I love my life but there are many aspects in it that cause stress but with all the good things come the bad. I love my family and my job isn't too bad and I have lots of friends whom are amazing even if I don't get to see them that often.
My job is obvious as to why it stresses me out. Besides the everyday stress I'm also going out for a promotion at work that I have already been passed up twice for. I just want to move up in my company and make more money so I can better support my family and so I can one day get off government assistance. It's stressful worrying about these things. Also I would like to move into a larger place someday. A place with three bedrooms. A cozy place. A place to truly call home. It is so stressful to worry about these things all the time.
So as you can see the two biggest factors of my stress somewhat tie into each other. So the many moments that fill my life with joy are even more precious to me. Life takes too much from us and I need to learn to enjoy more of these moments. The moments that my kids are going to remember like me playing with them, taking them on special trips, going camping and hiking and just everything we do. They seem to know how to melt my stress away...as well as enrage it. I love them.
Now that I have come full circle away from what I was originally writing about I do believe I shall come to a close.
Much Love & Peace
As I said though for a LONG time I saw these strengths as weaknesses and I really wish I would have seen them as what they are. They have built such a strong character within me and it's been amazing. It has also been a hard road to just not lash out like I've wanted to so many times in my life. Sometimes it's made my "insides" hurt to hold things in but that's just how I grew up. Unfortunately the whole holding it in thing has overlapped into other aspects of my life which isn't always good but it's how things have gone. Now though I'm trying to learn the difference of what aspects of life this indifference and lack of backlash needs to be. Sometimes it is good to "let go" because if you don't you will be that cashier. I don't want to be that guy that just one day explodes. It's not me. It's not who I am. I really do need to learn where to hold back and where to sometimes just let go as to not explode in the wrong situations or at the wrong people. I don't want to lash out against the ones who love me and whom I love.
I need a healthy mix. A slight bit of the "cashier" and a slight bit of the "customer." Especially with so much stress in my life. Don't get me wrong I love my life but there are many aspects in it that cause stress but with all the good things come the bad. I love my family and my job isn't too bad and I have lots of friends whom are amazing even if I don't get to see them that often.
My job is obvious as to why it stresses me out. Besides the everyday stress I'm also going out for a promotion at work that I have already been passed up twice for. I just want to move up in my company and make more money so I can better support my family and so I can one day get off government assistance. It's stressful worrying about these things. Also I would like to move into a larger place someday. A place with three bedrooms. A cozy place. A place to truly call home. It is so stressful to worry about these things all the time.
So as you can see the two biggest factors of my stress somewhat tie into each other. So the many moments that fill my life with joy are even more precious to me. Life takes too much from us and I need to learn to enjoy more of these moments. The moments that my kids are going to remember like me playing with them, taking them on special trips, going camping and hiking and just everything we do. They seem to know how to melt my stress away...as well as enrage it. I love them.
Now that I have come full circle away from what I was originally writing about I do believe I shall come to a close.
Much Love & Peace
